tomorrow makes 35 weeks SH free~

WOOHOO~

34 weeks SHfree

i wanna break it. but i know i can’t truly mean that. right?

Drunk

32 weeks SH free

When I was coloring my hair the other day, a strand of hair hit my wrist and left a stain that I still haven’t been able to wash off. I was coloring my hair a dark pink, almost red. It’s triggering a bit, Having this red mark on my wrist, frustrating even, because it’s not an actual cut. Agh.

slight increase in followers lately, I’m grateful but realize:

please don’t follow me just for my old pictures D: 

I’ve been self harm free for about 7 months, and you won’t  be seeing anything new…..anytime soon, I would hope. 

unless you’re actually interested in my journey/experiences and whatnot, then thank you <3 

erm….yeah, just wanted to say this.

and my password to get onto my blog is

fuckingshit

yes,really. I post it here cause I know my little sister doesn’t follow me,so she can’t see this post, let alone get on my blog, so yeah. if you wanna see my actual page, just type in that password,haha.

Cried again. I wish I could cry more, but even though I’m off pills, now that I’ve been on pills in the past it’s like it’s almost completely sealed off emotions when I want to feel them. I WANT to let this out I WANT to bawl my eyes out, but it seems I only really breakdown every half a year. I literally bawled (barely even) for less than 2 minutes. I wanted to keep crying because I know I feel more than this, but my tear ducts just wouldn’t leak out. I know I care more than what my body lets out, and I know I could easily find solace in a razor, but I swore to try to never go back to that again. It’s so fucking hard when I know the easy way out of things but just can’t do it. This I’m hoping will make me into a stronger person.

“How many cuts should I repeat?
How many fates should I accept?
Does it have an end?”
Hyde, “Season’s Call”

31 weeks self harm free

Work was hell today, but at Least I have something to be proud of.

29 weeks SH free

Shiiiiiit

this sadness just

flusters inside me with no positive way of getting out. I’ve started to regress the tiniest bit because I’ve started to think that I deserve everything bad that happens to me. I think that I deserve this again, when some far away sane part of me tries to tell me I don’t. A blade would’ve solved this easily, and cleared the static in my brain, but I swear I’m not that person anymore. everything just escalates and I don’t know how much longer my sanity will hold. 

28 weeks self harm free

things are looking up in terms of recovery. I guess

the urge to slit my wrist from my overwhelming stupidness and irresponsibility is overwhelming lately. if only I took that turn better…if only if only. fuck crashing my car from my own stupidass. I should’ve died, but everyones so happy that I’m still here. 

27 weeks self harm free

I was in too much of a slump last night to update this cause yeah..it feels great but I’m too down to feel triumphant ):

26 weeks self harm free

Best week in the world

I want to cut.

I’m on my work break right now and I just have so much emotion building up and I can’t even cry about it. I want to bleed it out but I know I have to be strong. Good thing my breaks almost over, work should distract me. I just want to let this all out.